RIP

It's day 5 and I feel like I'm falling apart.  I think the worst part of this quitting thing may not even be part of the quitting thing.  I read on multiple sites and heard from multiple other quitters that depression can be one of the symptoms of withdrawals.  I hope to god that's all this is, because I'm completely miserable.

I won't go into details because this is not where I want to just vent about all the dumb bullshit in my life and in my mind.  The main reason I'm writing tonight is because I needed to just say that I am still sticking through this and as hard as it has been, my resolve has never been stronger.  Despite what happened tonight...

This is so dumb.  I feel stupid for crying over this (yes, I'm admitting it...  I'm crying as I'm typing this...), but here it is anyway.

Back in July, Jareth, Derek, and I went to Draper Days for the 24th of July.  It was I think the weekend before the 24th.  Derek played this goofy game they had and won a frog.  African Dwarf Frog.  They live in water, but still breathe air.  Really easy to take care of.  Anyways.  The guy ended up selling us two.  We named them A Boy Named Sue and Margret (if you go back to the post entitled "A Few Of My Favourite Things", you can see the frogs in a picture I posted).  I looked into them a lot and they can live up to 5 years.

That is, if you can get them to eat...  They don't go after the food like other animals in water.  They can barely see.  The only way they'll eat is if the food happens to be right in front of them and they come across it.  Margret was doing great.  She/He (you can't really tell with these things) was eating all the time.  I thought the other one was too.  Until the other day.  I was cleaning their tank and noticed that A Boy Named Sue was really sickly skinny.  He/She was skinnier to begin with, but I mean, I could see his/her rib cage, and I'm not even sure they have one...

Anyways.  I put him/her into a separate tank  with some food pellets to try to get it to eat.  I thought it had because it looked like there was less food in the bowl than when I put him/her in, so I moved him/her back to the regular tank.  Well, I just looked at him again about 20 minutes ago.  He was in the same place at the bottom of the tank as he was yesterday.  I nudged him with one of the decorations in the tank.  No movement.  I thought maybe he's just weak or sick.  I moved him into another tank again.  Nope.  He's gone.  Great week.

It's been a really long week and I think it's just going to get longer before the eventual end.