My detox is over. And I would say it was a success. I lost 6 pounds. For those of you that don't know (and I'm not ashamed to admit this online), I was at 150 before I started the diet. Now I'm at 144. For me, that's a significant difference
This week will be all about keeping an eye on what I'm eating more than I was before (I don't want to gain back that 6 pounds I lost - not after everything I had to go through to get there) and actually working out at home. I'm going to continue walking on my lunches as work for a total of 45 minutes (about 2.4 miles), then I just need to pick up doing crunches, push ups, lunges, and whatever else when I get home at night. I'm staying off caffeine, at least for a while. Well, carbonation in general, really. I'm also staying away from cigarettes, and I'm only drinking alcohol in very small amounts on the weekends and that's it. And I'm drinking a ton of water everyday.
I'm GOING to make this work. I NEED this. I've been feeling so badly about the way I look and this is the only way I can fix that. Not to mention my 10 year high school reunion is this year, and I want to look my best. ^_~ Mostly it's just for my self confidence though, which has been severely lacking for the last couple of years. Since I started working only a desk job, I've gained a lot of weight, and lost a lot of pride. That is going to change. It has already started to change. I feel so much better about the way I look already. And to be honest, I may not even look all that different. The only thing that matters really, is the way I feel. And I feel great. ^_^
So, that's it for today. I'll try to keep this up to date as much as I can with all of my progress. Thanks to everyone for your continued support!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 11 - Kind of
It is mostly Day 11. I have stepped off my path a couple of times, but I mostly remain true to my course. I don't want to smoke anymore, so I'm quitting. Plain and simple. I get stressed out sometimes, and that's when I step away a bit. But, that was only a couple of times on the weekend, and I'm doing fine now.
Other than not smoking, there are several other things I am not doing as well.
**Just a side note, so everyone is aware. I'm working on making myself a better person, inside and out. This is why I'm working on all these things. I'm trying to get more healthy along with everything else I'm working on with myself. I am NOT going all weird, psychotic, churchy, religious, anything. I'm still me. Just working on being a healthy and happier me. ^_^
I just wanted to put that out there because it does seem like I'm giving up everything I would need to give up to be more of a churchy person, but if you know me at all, you know that's not going to happen.
So, now that we got that out. I'm going through a detox this week. It's going to be the jump start to my actual diet and work out routine to get my body in shape and toned up as much as possible. No, I don't think I'm fat, so any of you out there reading this can just chillax and hold off on the "You're so skinny already" blah blah blah comments. I've already heard these a few times. The issue I'm having is with my problem areas. My stomach, my thighs, and my ass. These things have GOT to change. I can't stand to even look in the mirror. More than anything, though, I really just want to look at my peak for my 10 year high school reunion this year. ^_~
With this detox, I can start to lose a little bit of the weight, and get ready to really start working out. I'm going to start a regular work out routine next week after this diet is over. I am also going to be starting an actual normal diet as well.
I'm quitting smoking. I'm not drinking NEAR like I was before. I'm cutting junk food out of my diet. I've already cut caffeine. See what I mean? No, I'm not going churchy. I promise. If it will make you all feel better, if you comment, I'll personally send you a string of profanities to prove I'm still the same old me. lol
So, that's where I'm at. It's Day 2 of my detox. Yesterday was all fruits. Today is all veggies. Tomorrow I get both. Thursday I get to add in some milk and bananas. Friday, I get meat! Well, okay, it doesn't really count as meat. It's salmon. But either way, I get something of substance. Then Saturday and Sunday, it's kind of mixes of everything. By the end of the week, I should have lost at least a few pounds. That will be nice, and more than anything it will keep me motivated to lose more and get even more in shape.
I'm really excited. And I have to say thank you really quick to my little anonymous commenter. Thanks so much for your positive comments. It really did help. ^_^
And thanks to everyone else's warm thoughts while I was at my worst. I love and appreciate you all! Thank you!
Other than not smoking, there are several other things I am not doing as well.
**Just a side note, so everyone is aware. I'm working on making myself a better person, inside and out. This is why I'm working on all these things. I'm trying to get more healthy along with everything else I'm working on with myself. I am NOT going all weird, psychotic, churchy, religious, anything. I'm still me. Just working on being a healthy and happier me. ^_^
I just wanted to put that out there because it does seem like I'm giving up everything I would need to give up to be more of a churchy person, but if you know me at all, you know that's not going to happen.
So, now that we got that out. I'm going through a detox this week. It's going to be the jump start to my actual diet and work out routine to get my body in shape and toned up as much as possible. No, I don't think I'm fat, so any of you out there reading this can just chillax and hold off on the "You're so skinny already" blah blah blah comments. I've already heard these a few times. The issue I'm having is with my problem areas. My stomach, my thighs, and my ass. These things have GOT to change. I can't stand to even look in the mirror. More than anything, though, I really just want to look at my peak for my 10 year high school reunion this year. ^_~
With this detox, I can start to lose a little bit of the weight, and get ready to really start working out. I'm going to start a regular work out routine next week after this diet is over. I am also going to be starting an actual normal diet as well.
I'm quitting smoking. I'm not drinking NEAR like I was before. I'm cutting junk food out of my diet. I've already cut caffeine. See what I mean? No, I'm not going churchy. I promise. If it will make you all feel better, if you comment, I'll personally send you a string of profanities to prove I'm still the same old me. lol
So, that's where I'm at. It's Day 2 of my detox. Yesterday was all fruits. Today is all veggies. Tomorrow I get both. Thursday I get to add in some milk and bananas. Friday, I get meat! Well, okay, it doesn't really count as meat. It's salmon. But either way, I get something of substance. Then Saturday and Sunday, it's kind of mixes of everything. By the end of the week, I should have lost at least a few pounds. That will be nice, and more than anything it will keep me motivated to lose more and get even more in shape.
I'm really excited. And I have to say thank you really quick to my little anonymous commenter. Thanks so much for your positive comments. It really did help. ^_^
And thanks to everyone else's warm thoughts while I was at my worst. I love and appreciate you all! Thank you!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 6 and the outlook is...
I woke up feeling no better than I was feeling last night. I think the dreams were the worst of the whole ordeal. I had one dream about my frogs (I've actually had several dreams about them), but I don't really remember anything about it. Every other dream I can remember was about death. Either I was dying, or someone close to me just died, died in front of me, or was about to die.
I woke up to the horrible weather. I know the weather has a hard part to play in my mood lately. Today was definitely no exception.
I woke up to the horrible weather. I know the weather has a hard part to play in my mood lately. Today was definitely no exception.
These pictures were taken with my iPhone on my way to work. This was the day I was facing. Definitely didn't help the mood. I've made it, though, and the day is nearing an end. I only have 2 more hours to get through at my desk, and I have plenty of work to keep me busy in that time.
I have decided if I can make it through these first two weeks, I can live through anything. It's definitely been taking it's toll on me and I'm going to try something a little different tonight.
I originally said that one of my resolutions was to work out. I haven't started that yet. So I've decided to start tonight. I think that will help my mood. I'm sick of sitting around doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I'm done with it. I'm going to do something about it.
Hoorah, right? That would be the right thing to say here... If I had the enthusiasm to say it...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
RIP
It's day 5 and I feel like I'm falling apart. I think the worst part of this quitting thing may not even be part of the quitting thing. I read on multiple sites and heard from multiple other quitters that depression can be one of the symptoms of withdrawals. I hope to god that's all this is, because I'm completely miserable.
I won't go into details because this is not where I want to just vent about all the dumb bullshit in my life and in my mind. The main reason I'm writing tonight is because I needed to just say that I am still sticking through this and as hard as it has been, my resolve has never been stronger. Despite what happened tonight...
This is so dumb. I feel stupid for crying over this (yes, I'm admitting it... I'm crying as I'm typing this...), but here it is anyway.
Back in July, Jareth, Derek, and I went to Draper Days for the 24th of July. It was I think the weekend before the 24th. Derek played this goofy game they had and won a frog. African Dwarf Frog. They live in water, but still breathe air. Really easy to take care of. Anyways. The guy ended up selling us two. We named them A Boy Named Sue and Margret (if you go back to the post entitled "A Few Of My Favourite Things", you can see the frogs in a picture I posted). I looked into them a lot and they can live up to 5 years.
That is, if you can get them to eat... They don't go after the food like other animals in water. They can barely see. The only way they'll eat is if the food happens to be right in front of them and they come across it. Margret was doing great. She/He (you can't really tell with these things) was eating all the time. I thought the other one was too. Until the other day. I was cleaning their tank and noticed that A Boy Named Sue was really sickly skinny. He/She was skinnier to begin with, but I mean, I could see his/her rib cage, and I'm not even sure they have one...
Anyways. I put him/her into a separate tank with some food pellets to try to get it to eat. I thought it had because it looked like there was less food in the bowl than when I put him/her in, so I moved him/her back to the regular tank. Well, I just looked at him again about 20 minutes ago. He was in the same place at the bottom of the tank as he was yesterday. I nudged him with one of the decorations in the tank. No movement. I thought maybe he's just weak or sick. I moved him into another tank again. Nope. He's gone. Great week.
It's been a really long week and I think it's just going to get longer before the eventual end.
I won't go into details because this is not where I want to just vent about all the dumb bullshit in my life and in my mind. The main reason I'm writing tonight is because I needed to just say that I am still sticking through this and as hard as it has been, my resolve has never been stronger. Despite what happened tonight...
This is so dumb. I feel stupid for crying over this (yes, I'm admitting it... I'm crying as I'm typing this...), but here it is anyway.
Back in July, Jareth, Derek, and I went to Draper Days for the 24th of July. It was I think the weekend before the 24th. Derek played this goofy game they had and won a frog. African Dwarf Frog. They live in water, but still breathe air. Really easy to take care of. Anyways. The guy ended up selling us two. We named them A Boy Named Sue and Margret (if you go back to the post entitled "A Few Of My Favourite Things", you can see the frogs in a picture I posted). I looked into them a lot and they can live up to 5 years.
That is, if you can get them to eat... They don't go after the food like other animals in water. They can barely see. The only way they'll eat is if the food happens to be right in front of them and they come across it. Margret was doing great. She/He (you can't really tell with these things) was eating all the time. I thought the other one was too. Until the other day. I was cleaning their tank and noticed that A Boy Named Sue was really sickly skinny. He/She was skinnier to begin with, but I mean, I could see his/her rib cage, and I'm not even sure they have one...
Anyways. I put him/her into a separate tank with some food pellets to try to get it to eat. I thought it had because it looked like there was less food in the bowl than when I put him/her in, so I moved him/her back to the regular tank. Well, I just looked at him again about 20 minutes ago. He was in the same place at the bottom of the tank as he was yesterday. I nudged him with one of the decorations in the tank. No movement. I thought maybe he's just weak or sick. I moved him into another tank again. Nope. He's gone. Great week.
It's been a really long week and I think it's just going to get longer before the eventual end.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My fight to become a non-smoker
It's day 4, and I feel like it's day 1. I think my cravings have gotten worse today, even though the actual physical addiction should be past by now.
I can't focus on anything. I've been trying to work, and I just can't do it right now. My concentration is out the window. Literally. I want to go outside SO bad, but I don't have anything to smoke, so it would be a moot point at any rate.
I have a headache. My eyes won't focus on anything because of that. I'm looking at the tasks I need to do for work and they're staring me in the face. They all look Greek to me. I can't make sense of any of them. At least not just looking at them. I have to actually open them and really start reading through them. Then I get it and I can actually get some stuff done.
But in the meantime, I'm thinking of things way off in la-la land. So when I need to get away from my desk, I go outside and read my book. Just like I would have gone outside to smoke, I just sit in my car and read. It's a nice escape, but once I'm done with the Twilight books (for my second time - 3rd time for Eclipse and Breaking Dawn), I'm going to have to find something else to read so I don't get too tempted.
This blog entry was basically just a way for me to vent about going a little crazy trying not to smoke. I just needed an outlet. And, I'm done now.
I can't focus on anything. I've been trying to work, and I just can't do it right now. My concentration is out the window. Literally. I want to go outside SO bad, but I don't have anything to smoke, so it would be a moot point at any rate.
I have a headache. My eyes won't focus on anything because of that. I'm looking at the tasks I need to do for work and they're staring me in the face. They all look Greek to me. I can't make sense of any of them. At least not just looking at them. I have to actually open them and really start reading through them. Then I get it and I can actually get some stuff done.
But in the meantime, I'm thinking of things way off in la-la land. So when I need to get away from my desk, I go outside and read my book. Just like I would have gone outside to smoke, I just sit in my car and read. It's a nice escape, but once I'm done with the Twilight books (for my second time - 3rd time for Eclipse and Breaking Dawn), I'm going to have to find something else to read so I don't get too tempted.
This blog entry was basically just a way for me to vent about going a little crazy trying not to smoke. I just needed an outlet. And, I'm done now.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Good Morning 2011
It's the beginning of 2011. I can feel the last year fading away as I type, and this year is only just beginning. Where does that put me? Ah, yes. In the middle of my resolutions...
I don't normally make New Years Resolutions, but I decided to try this year. I have four major resolutions.
As for the cigarettes, this is where it seems to get difficult. I haven't been having any issues with not smoking, really. I mean, I'm a little bit more on edge, but not really that much. The only thing I've been noticing more is that I've been trying to walk on eggshells. It's not anything he's doing on purpose, but Derek has been really tense and on edge and I'm afraid to say anything or even do anything around him because I worry he's going to get upset or just annoyed. It seems like I've been annoying him and frustrating him more in the last couple of days. Mostly just yesterday. I understand why that is, so I'm just trying to back off a bit for the next couple of weeks until it kind of subsides. I want to be here for him, but I kind of feel like he's been pushing me away more than anything. So, instead of smothering him and frustrating him, I'm okay with just backing off a bit. I love him, and I just want to see the both of us succeed at this.
Working out... Ugh. I'm really not excited about this one. It's what we need to do, and I really need to. I can't go on the way I have been. I desperately need a change in my body and in my eating habits. Not only do I need to change my look and my habits, but I need to change my entire outlook on everything. When someone tells me I can't do this, I believe them. I get really upset, but I worry deep down that it's really true. And I'm afraid that if I don't just do it and stick to it, I'm going to continue to listen to people that tell me I won't stick to it, I won't do it at all, or I straight up "can't" do it. I shouldn't be listening to this kind of negativity, but I can't help it. I've never worked out and stuck to it. Not unless it was required for a gym class in school. I really think the only way I'm going to get past this negative image of myself and my habits is to change them completely. Not myself, just my habits. I have to make a change, and that's what I'll do this year.
And last but not least, do more with my creative energy. I get these spouts of creative energy every now and again where I want to write a poem, work on my stories that I've been writing for years and never finished, or draw or paint something. This past year, I haven't done anything with that energy. I've stifled it all and I worry that if I don't start using that energy again, I'm just going to lose is and I'm never going to want to do anything creative. I can't let that happen. I've always loved my creative energies, but I need to actually focus them into something, rather than just letting them pass. And writing on this blog does not count for making something of that energy. This is mostly a rant spot. Somewhere I can let things out because I don't really have many people I can just talk to. So I just let it out here. That's different. I should really work on my stories (I have about 4 of them) and do something with them rather than just let them sit, unchanging, for years on a disc. Blah...
So, that's what I'm doing with my new year. Would anyone else like to share? ^_^
I don't normally make New Years Resolutions, but I decided to try this year. I have four major resolutions.
- Quit smoking.
- Quit drinking.
- Get in shape.
- Do more with creative energy.
As for the cigarettes, this is where it seems to get difficult. I haven't been having any issues with not smoking, really. I mean, I'm a little bit more on edge, but not really that much. The only thing I've been noticing more is that I've been trying to walk on eggshells. It's not anything he's doing on purpose, but Derek has been really tense and on edge and I'm afraid to say anything or even do anything around him because I worry he's going to get upset or just annoyed. It seems like I've been annoying him and frustrating him more in the last couple of days. Mostly just yesterday. I understand why that is, so I'm just trying to back off a bit for the next couple of weeks until it kind of subsides. I want to be here for him, but I kind of feel like he's been pushing me away more than anything. So, instead of smothering him and frustrating him, I'm okay with just backing off a bit. I love him, and I just want to see the both of us succeed at this.
Working out... Ugh. I'm really not excited about this one. It's what we need to do, and I really need to. I can't go on the way I have been. I desperately need a change in my body and in my eating habits. Not only do I need to change my look and my habits, but I need to change my entire outlook on everything. When someone tells me I can't do this, I believe them. I get really upset, but I worry deep down that it's really true. And I'm afraid that if I don't just do it and stick to it, I'm going to continue to listen to people that tell me I won't stick to it, I won't do it at all, or I straight up "can't" do it. I shouldn't be listening to this kind of negativity, but I can't help it. I've never worked out and stuck to it. Not unless it was required for a gym class in school. I really think the only way I'm going to get past this negative image of myself and my habits is to change them completely. Not myself, just my habits. I have to make a change, and that's what I'll do this year.
And last but not least, do more with my creative energy. I get these spouts of creative energy every now and again where I want to write a poem, work on my stories that I've been writing for years and never finished, or draw or paint something. This past year, I haven't done anything with that energy. I've stifled it all and I worry that if I don't start using that energy again, I'm just going to lose is and I'm never going to want to do anything creative. I can't let that happen. I've always loved my creative energies, but I need to actually focus them into something, rather than just letting them pass. And writing on this blog does not count for making something of that energy. This is mostly a rant spot. Somewhere I can let things out because I don't really have many people I can just talk to. So I just let it out here. That's different. I should really work on my stories (I have about 4 of them) and do something with them rather than just let them sit, unchanging, for years on a disc. Blah...
So, that's what I'm doing with my new year. Would anyone else like to share? ^_^
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