I came to a realization today. I miss writing. I used to have a lot of creative energy flowing around me at all times, but I seem to have lost that somehow. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe my life just got busy. Maybe I didn't care enough to write. Maybe no one paid attention anymore. Maybe I just got bored. Whatever the reason, I stopped. And I miss it. I need to do something about that.
Derek and I are talking about what we're going to study when we get registered in school. I was originally going to study code. Java script, etc. I have recently decided against that. It's an interesting field to be sure, but I don't think it's the right field for me. I think I would get bored. So I went back to the idea I was bouncing around when I was in school. I mean, elementary and middle school. Being a teacher. Derek is always calling me the English Major because I correct his grammar and word use. I've decided to become exactly that. An English Major. With a minor in education. I'm going to become a high school English teacher.
I know for some that idea may sound completely repulsive. I'm really quite fond of the idea.
I know now, however, that I do need to get those creative juices flowing again. I need to start working on my sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Just to name a few. These are the things I used to know so well, and could work with so well. Not anymore. It's been too long. I have no idea how to do this anymore. Where to start. What to say. How to say it. I miss when I could just open a blank page and just type for 15 minutes, and come up with something completely wonderful. I read back over a lot of my old blog entries back on MySpace (yes, I still have a MySpace, however, if my phone ever logged me out of the program, I'd never know the password to get back in). I never look at my MySpace anymore. It's become a part of the netherworld. I do enjoy looking back over old writings, though. I was actually looking for a specific poem, but I couldn't find it.
Here's one thing I did find:
I feel bad for feeling this way,
But I can't tell you I'm crying.
I acted like such a fool today,
I wish I could tell you I'm crying.
You keep all this to yourself,
I'm sorry I'm not so strong.
You put your feelings on a shelf,
You've hidden it all for so long.
Why can't I be brave like you?
Hide myself from everyone.
Tell myself things so untrue,
So I'd never come undone.
Words remain in writing,
Yet we both know what was said.
And still we go on fighting,
With it only in our heads.
We fought about things so small,
But it made me feel like dying.
If you could you'd catch my fall,
But I can't tell you I'm crying.
That's an old poem I wrote. It was actually published back in 20foreverago. I can't write like that anymore. Derek starts to play his guitar and wants me to start making up words to a song on the spot, but I just can't do it. I miss my creativity. I need it back.
All in all, I just wanted to say that I will be getting more into writing on this blog now. I need the practice and I'd like any sort of feedback anyone can offer.
Thank you all for reading my ramblings. I do appreciate it.
